How-to Tuesdays: This is part 4 in the series "How to Improve Your Marriage this April". Each week in April, I've posted a few tips or tricks on things you can do to make married life a little sweeter. Today, we are going to follow up with one of the most important things you can do.
Improve Your Marriage (Part 1)
Improve Your Marriage (Part 2)
Improve Your Marriage (Part 3)
Focus on changing YOURSELF and NOT on changing your spouse. This is the one time in married life when it is ok to make thinks all about you. Some learn this secret early on, while others try for years to change their spouse into exactly what they want them to be. Real change can only come from within- and while you can influence someone else in their changes, again, real change can only come from within. Meaning: You cannot change your spouse- only your spouse can change your spouse.
So, stop trying to change them! Take a minute and change yourself instead!
For example, if you are upset that your wife wakes you up when she get ready in the morning, don't get angry and try to get her to be quieter when she gets up. Instead, try to not get upset by being woken up. Get to the point that even if she wakes you up ten times, you can just let it happen without getting upset.
Let's say that your husband won't take out the garbage until it is overflowing and it drives you CRAZY. All you can think is, it is SOO easy to just take it out- why does he wait? And then each time you see that full trash can you get upset. Instead of hoping and praying that he will eventually just take it out when you want him to, change your mindset. Decide that a full trash can is not the worst thing a spouse can do and that it won't kill you to let it sit until it gets full. Not only will you learn to make yourself more content this way, your husband will appreciate not being nagged for every little thing that he does that bothers you.
You will be far more successful in changing that way you look at things than you will at changing how your spouse acts.
Remember, you have the greatest control over the way that YOU do things- so instead of fretting over every thing that your husband or wife does that drive you crazy, think instead of what you can do to change yourself so that those things don't bother you.
I guarantee that this will result in less fighting and more domestic bliss.