Being a mother is one of the best and worst things that will ever
happen to you. It will bring out the absolute best in you. It will also make
sure you know what your limitations are. A very good friend of my recently had
her first child, a darling little girl, and as I spoke to her a week after
delivery, a wave of memories came flooding back to me of what it was like my
first time around. Terrifying. Sweet. Intense. I had so many worries,
irrational fears, and a whirlwind of hormones and emotions to envelop my whole
experience. As I shared a few bits that I had learned through having children,
I remember how wonderful it felt to know that the seemingly insane things I was
experiencing were downright normal.
Here are five all-too-real trials from
being a mama the first time around and a few things you can do to make your
transition smoother.
Pure Exhaustion
It will exhaust you. To the ends of your
physical limits. Because you will be on-call 24-7 with no real hope of
reprieve. Before, regardless of your busy schedule, there was always the option
to rest. Call in sick, skip a class, cancel dinner plans. A new mom doesn't
have these options. You will want to be there for your baby for every groan,
cry, and mumble, even while your body screams for sleep.
Truth: Call for help and walk away. If you can so much as hear your baby, you won't be able to
rest. And you'll need to, at some point. Call your mother, a close friend, your
hubby, or someone you trust your child with. Feed your baby, (leave the
care-giver with formula if you need to) and walk far away. Or at least far
enough that you can't hear your new bundle of joy- and take a much deserved reprieve.
Hormone City
Right after your baby is born, your
hormones are so out-of-whack that you will cry when you're happy, cry when
you're sad, scream when you're mad, yell when you're happy. Sometimes,
you'll be so overwhelmed with joy at having your new infant that you won't be
able to contain yourself. At other times, you'll be so frustrated that you will
want to hit something
Truth: We've all gone through it. This is less of a solution than a pat-yourself-on-the back.
While you will do your best to control your crazy emotions, just know that
we've all been there. The desire to scream at your husband because he can't pat
the baby the right way. The desire to curl up in a ball and sob until you have
no tears left. It's not rational and not always controllable. Just know you
aren't alone and you aren't crazy.
Your Not-So-Hot Bod
You will walk out of the hospital looking pregnant.
Fitting into your maternity clothes. And most will leave the hospital at about
the same weight they were when they walked in. Your skin will be flabby.
Stretchy. Possibly covered in stretch marks. You will likely feel unattractive
(disgrossting was the word I felt as I walked out that first day). You may feel
judged by others for not looking glowing and radiant. And chances are, you know
you won't ever look quite the same.
Truth: Give yourself a one year break
and get over yourself. You
are a mom. You have made and will make numerous sacrifices for your baby. One
of those may be your perfect body. And you know what? Thank goodness! I would
trade a perfect body for my darling little girl any day of the week, month, or
year. Why? Because she is far higher on my priority list than how I look to
others. Far higher. Does that mean I am OK with not giving myself proper care? Of course
not. It only means that I have come to realize that when I walked out of that
hospital, my world was now my husband, baby, and me, not my husband, me, and my
sexy body. Feel free to work to lose the weight and return as much as possible
to get yourself back into shape- but give yourself at least a year before you
start telling yourself what your body should/could look like. It took nearly a
year to
make your baby- allow your body at least that much time to recover.
My Baby Deserves the Best!
At some point in time after you are
presented with your little one, you will probably be overwhelmed with an innate
desire to care for your baby in the best way possible. For me, it was like my
bringing my daughter into this world also came with an invisible contract,
where I promised to always protect her and take care of her, an emotion that
has only become stronger. I wanted to give her the best love, care, food,
clothes, anything she needed to grow. I felt like in this regard, there was no
room for failure.
Truth: There's more than one way to be
a good mama! Too
often we feel judged or shamed if we don't 'measure up'. "Oh, you're
formula feeding? Hmm..." or "Wait, you didn't wash all of your baby's
clothing twice after you bought it? Hmmmmm......" Too much time is spent
judging other moms of perceived shortcomings and too little is spent in the
realization that there are MANY ways to be a great mother! YOU were chosen to
take care of your little one and YOU have the last say in what is best for
them. You will know them better than anyone else and you have every right to
decide what is best for them. Formula or breastmilk. Cry-it-out sleeping or
nuzzling them until they drop off. Each baby is different and requires
something different from their mamas. So while what you do may not be what your
friends or (heaven forbid) what your mother-in-law did, you know what your
child needs and you will be
able to give it to them.
You'll Be Okay
Just know that it's going to be okay. You
will have shortcomings and failings. At some point, you will probably feel like
the worst parent in the world and that your baby deserves something better than
you. Please know that you, like your infant child, will learn and grow. You
will be able to figure out what they need. You will learn how to balance your
schedule so that you can accomplish more than just feeding and washing your
little one. And as long as you are trying each day, you WILL be a good mother,
even if you don't feel like it right now. Your little one chose you. And you
are meant to be its mother.
I hope this isn't a downer article- being a mom IS wonderful and amazing, but I feel like the tough times are easier when you know that everyone has struggles with motherhood.
Once upon a time, there is a darling flea market in Payson, Utah. Good luck finding a better flea market 
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